Suzanne Buller Day one - Memories

I woke up with a start. That dream again. Will it ever stop? Does grief really stop? The events of that day are seared in my brain and heart. I can see that day as clearly as the day it happened.

I was sitting in my Uncle Ray’s truck playing our favourite game of noticing all the details around me and trying to memorize it. That was our favourite thing to do. Uncle Ray had gone into the store to buy something. I noticed a man enter the store after him. His hoodie, the scar on his face. Uncle Ray would be so proud of me.

Suddenly I heard a gunshot! The man in the hoodie ran out of the store. I waited for Uncle Ray to follow but he didn’t. I ran out of the truck and into the store only to see Uncle Ray lying on the floor with blood all over him. Uncle Ray! Uncle Ray! NO, NO!

Everything after that was pretty much a blur. The police had to pull me off him. I vaguely remember being taken home. My parents were more disgusted with the blood on my clothes than worrying about me. That has never changed. I, on the other hand, had changed. I knew that I was going to be a police officer like my uncle. Nothing was going to stop me.

With my description of the man in the hoodie, the police were able to apprehend him quickly.

The days and years until I could leave the house never changed. My parents were more concerned about how they stood in high society that they craved so much. They fully expected me to marry into that social life. Suitor after suitor was introduced to me, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. My parents, when they had time out of their busy social life, would lecture me on how disappointed they were in me and why didn’t I want to have this life?

Finally, they sent me to boarding school. I enjoyed being away from home because I didn’t have to listen to their lectures, although they would still call once a month to check on me. They didn’t want me to do anything that would embarrass them, although it seemed like everything I did embarrassed them.

I chose my studies with the plan of becoming a police officer or detective. I loved criminology and excelled in that course. The other subjects I received high marks as well.

After boarding school, I went to college to take more courses on law. After finishing, I applied to the local police and was accepted! I was thrilled. My parents weren’t.